Monday, September 27, 2004

A bit early to be imposing roles on it. Don't you think?

After two postponements at the OB-GYN (some women just do not have the decency to have their labors at appropriate times) we found ourselves in the office at 7:30pm Friday night. We waited and waited. This is par for the course at our OB's. If you want the best OB in town you have to deal with the lines. I guess part of me is irritated that there are such waits, on the other hand, the fact that he was there late into the night seeing people says something about him.
By 11:30pm or so, we were eventually shown in. This was basically just an appointment for the ultrasound, so we did not spend a great deal of time doing much else, we were all exhausted. Whenever there is an ultrasound I get extremely nervous. It is like being tested for a terrible disease. You might not think about it at all until you get tested, then the possibility that you could have the disease looms large. I dread the possibility of some sign of something wrong, a malformed heart, curved spine, small placenta whatever. Thankfully, the ultrasound showed a healthy spine, brain, heart, stomach, placenta and cervix, all great news. That was the most important news to me. But I guess someone of you might be wondering if anything else was discovered.
Well after a perplexing journey through layers of our little baby (ultrasounds provide cross-sections through the body, it is pretty cool actually) we finally saw two fairly meaty thighs (for fetus only 7 inches long), and nestled between them was evidence that:

We are having a Boy!

So much for feminine intuition (Carly was sure it was a girl). This sparked a quick trip to the consignment sale to by some of the traditional blue clothes. It is almost impossible to avoid buying pink for girls and blue for boys, but have managed to find things in just about every other color through extensive searches.

We would have been happy either way. I think Carly is still in a little shock at the prospect. Having helped raise my little cousin Shelbyu, she felt relatively well prepared for raising a girl, but she is nervous about a boy. I imagine that it will not be very different. Apart from (certain clothing choices) we are trying to avoid imposing gender roles anymore than biology dictates. So I don't plan on any significant differences myself. But we shall see.

I do already notice one slight difference in my attitude. I feel somewhat more protective/fearful/stereotypically 'fatherly' of my daughter's sexuality and less worried about my son's. Granted both of these shouldn't be an issue for a few years. I don't plan to be the sort of father that brings a gun to the door when Sophie's dates show up, but I feel she is more at risk than a boy. Probably just social pressure. In any case, I want all my children to be self-confident and feel love, which I believe are the two most important things to encourage good choices with sexuality.

I guess I can put worry about that for a little bit, and concentrate on keeping her from chewing through power cords.

As to our expected... we are still working on a name (please do not offer suggestions, we find that choices that looked good a few monthes ago have grown stale so we want to keep things fresh).

I am interested in your thoughts about circumcision.

SPOILER ALERT:


I am circumcised, and it seems to work fine for me. I am not sure what to do for an uncircumcised person. I know there is no real medical reason to do it. Normally I would reject a social reason for doing it, but I don't want to add any pressure on my son (still getting used to saying that). I don't even know what the norm is any more. So, I'd be interested to hear any arguments one way or the other.

5 Comments:

At 4:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations and Happy Birthday!

Looks like we are in the same boat as you, only a few days apart.

Lukas

 
At 10:34 PM, Blogger kfawell said...

Having a man child with the penis option, we were faced, as it were, with the same decision. It seems to really come down to parental preference (as the kid's preference is unknown). I am cut, so I don't know what it is like to be uncut, and as it is, I have never talked to other men about their untrimmed members. About the only thing we could come up with as a reason for circumcision is he would be different than dad (except when it would be inappropriate to be making comparisons). That difference could be explained by the truth: I was cut when I was kid, and he was not. Hence, we decided to leave him as God made him, with that extra bit of clay. Praise Zeus!

 
At 3:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The circumcision rate is running about 50/50 right now, so there shouldn't be any particular stigma either way when he's in school. I didn't have strong feelings about the issue one way or the other. Roy was in favor of having it done so that's what we did.

If you go looking for opinions you will find that there are many people who are violently opposed to it.

-Karen

 
At 3:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The circumcision rate is running about 50/50 right now, so there shouldn't be any particular stigma either way when he's in school. I didn't have strong feelings about the issue one way or the other. Roy was in favor of having it done so that's what we did.

If you go looking for opinions you will find that there are many people who are violently opposed to it.

-Karen

 
At 3:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry about posting twice! I'm having some trouble with my connection.

I wanted to add that the way you take care of an uncircumcised penis is to prevent people (doctors, grandparents, babysitters) from messing with it unduly. You don't have to do anything special but you don't want people trying to force the foreskin down before it's ready (sometimes not for many years).

-Karen

 

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