Sunday, October 01, 2006


I was home early one afternoon a couple of days ago. The kids were napping, Carly stepped out to do some shopping. Around the time they normally awaken, I heard Sophie singing her ABCs and Will making strange gurgling noises. Now, Will can form quite a few words so gurgling like a baby is not so usual, not that weird, but a little out of the ordinary. Enough that sitting in the living room, I began to run scenarios in my mind. At first, I was dismissive, then I got this idea that he was choking on his tongue or something. So I crept to the door. Sophie was standing on her stairs, and looking guilty.
"Will made a poopy." She deflected.
This little announcement was not necessary. The room reeked of poo, and as I looked about, I say the poo smeared on the outside of his crib, all over the slats, and of course, all over Will. Now, you've probably heard "all over" before, meaning a couple of streaks here and there. No. Will was coated, his shirt, his hands and arms, his face, his hair, and yes that gurgling sound was not just baby talk, he had a foreign substance in his mouth. There was also dried poo bits scattered about the room. I quickly surveyed Sophie and seeing she was somehow poo free, I moved her quickly out of the room.
Then steeling myself I tried to figure out the best way to move Poo Boy. I grabbed a couple of washclothes from the linen closet and using them like oven mitts I lifted him out of the crib and into the bath. There I stripped him of his poo caked clothes and running the water with the stopper out, so the pooey water could drain I cleaned him off.
Did I mention he hates baths now?
Well he seemed to tolerate this one until I had to wash his brown hair. But, I was a man on a mission. And we plowed past that obstacle.
Meanwhile I was trying to keep Sophie out of their bedroom, so I was alternatively sending her for toys I needed, or just calling her into the bathroom to witness the bath. Somehow we managed to get washed and moved out into the living room. Will is happy to be naked so he didn't mind running around while I tried to clean their room.
Keep in mind. Two wide awake toddlers, one wet and naked running around the house, me trying to keep an eye on them and scrape dried poo off walls, cribs, and other things. As well as pull the sheets and blankets off and get them into the wash.
Eventually the room was clean, vacuumed, the dirty things were in the washing machine, and the windows were open. I got Will into some new clothes and we all settled down onto the couch. I could not get the smell out of my mind. I kept wandering back into their room and spraying some air freshener. Then I would inspect Will and Sophie to make sure I hadn't missed something. Finally, while inspecting Will I figured it out. He turned to smile at me, and I could smell it strongly in his breath.
We spent the next ten minutes brushing his teeth. This time I let him suck on the toothbruch as long as he wanted. Eventually the scent seemed to fade.
Of course, thinking about it now, still makes my stomach turn.


At 12:20 AM, Anonymous Benny Boy said...

Look on the bright side: you now have _the_ story Will will not want you tell when he is grown up. I feel all parents should on the look-out for that story, and feel that once they have it part of their mission as parents has been accomplished.

At 1:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The other bright side is that Sophie *didn't* go through this stage, which I hear is quite common.
I do remember my cousin, at about that age, discovering that the vaseline jar had been left just a little to close to her crib. by the time she was discovered she and the walls and the sheets were all covered in vaseline (and, of course, she'd eaten some.) Now, a toddler covered in poopy may smell worse, but it's a heck of a lot harder to catch a toddler covered in vaseline.


At 3:22 PM, Blogger jeff said...

Great title post, by the way. I almost didn't have to read the post to know exactly what happenned.

At 10:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! And people thought it was icky when I posted about the dog licking up baby spit.


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